One of my biggest fears is knowing when to let go, I don’t want to go out kicking and screaming, gasping for my last breath , I want to be accepting and at peace, ideally having spent the evening dancing with those I love having a glass or two of really good red wine😆. Those who really know me will tell you, letting go isn’t something that comes easily to me. I have a tendency to hold on to stuff, although I’m much better since…Continue Reading “Letting go”

The Cold Cap didn’t work. So last Monday I returned from a fab weekend with my old mates in beautiful Ballycotton, it was late when I got home and as I pulled the grip out of my hair to go to bed a substantial amount of hair came with it. Here we go, I was too tired to deal with it then so I just went to bed. Back to reality with a bang the following morning, I sat on my bed in front of my…Continue Reading “Hair today. . . . . .”

So it looks like I won’t have to worry about spinal surgery after all.The MRI was worse than we thought and surgery is now not an option.😯. Palbo has stopped working and chemo is my next port of call. But for now cancer can go shite, cos tomorrow with every bit of strength I can muster, while I still can I am going to dance my ass off to Nile Rodgers and Chic. I’m still standing X

A couple of weeks back I was deeply saddened to read in writer Emma Hanigans blog that after 11 years her cancer treatment options had finally run out. The same day while out for lunch with my mam I bumped into an old friend, a cancer survivor for almost 20 years, she told me, She was in trouble, it was back. Emma’s strength just amazed and inspired me, to repeatedly go through the hell of aggressive treatment and pick yourself back up only to be…Continue Reading “Emma”

People don’t always know what to say when it comes to death and grief and serious illness. Sometimes you need to help them out a bit, acknowledge the elephant in the room, break the ice. Sure where would we be without a bit of humor. Then there are some things said that kind of defy belief . I may look ok on the outside, but I’m rotting away on the inside. I said this in jest quite often before I was diagnosed, referring to my…Continue Reading “shut your mouth when you’re talking……”

I’ve learned a lot in the last few years living with metastatic breast cancer.Watching people you love succumb to the disease which will eventually steal your life is both devastating and terrifying. Having lost 4 friends to cancer this summer I’ve learned that no matter how difficult it is, for me being there is hugely important.Travelling the road and sharing the journey, no matter how heartbreaking has enriched my life and  lead to the most beautiful memories. One of my friends died while I was…Continue Reading “Breathe”

Where do I put it where do I stick it, where does it fit where my brain can register this kind of information? My cancer has once again spread, to my liver, I need chemo, how do I live while I’m dying, am I dying. Incomprehensible reality yet there are aspects that hit you like a hammer, chemo side effects, the slow deterioration of my body because it can never end. Can I ever really live again or merely survive, will it be one long…Continue Reading “Live till I die”

1.If you ask for help you will most likely get it. People can be very kind and generous if you ask. 2.When you are brave and open hearted amazing things can  happen and incredible people can walk into your life. 3.We all have an energy/a vibration that attracts similar souls. 4.You don’t have to know people very long for them to become part of your tribe. 5.I am truly blessed, I have incredible friends and now finally accept that this is a reflection of me….Continue Reading “What Barcelona has thought me”

Barcelona Part I Not content to sit back and wait around for my next scan in three months, chemo and what comes after that, tired of waking up in terror in the middle of the night, and having seen too many people wait till they were too weak to try something different, I decided I needed to find something pronto. A friend of mine had mentioned Cannabis oil to me a couple of times, but I kind of dismissed it as it sounded, eh,  complicated….Continue Reading “Hunt for the Green Goddess”