More time, more freedom, more peace of mind, more head space, more clarity, more experiences and more memories. Two of the many characteristics I’ve inherited from my mother are thriftiness and a penchant for hoarding. I’m a sucker for a bargain, give me charity shop chic and a good old flea market find any day. I like interesting unusual stuff, not really a trend follower. I’m told I have a bit of a flair for fashion, I love charity shops and vintage markets cos…Continue Reading “Less is definitely more”

When nature’s beauty brings tears to your eyes, tears ready, waiting to flow, as once more you must cope with the fear of the next rollercoaster. Cope with the exhaustion of having to endure, while hoping and praying you are still strong enough to do it again and come out alive, with a life worth living. The beauty of nature that makes you inhale a breath so deep it reminds you how lucky you are that your lungs still inflate and your heart still beats…Continue Reading “Gratitude”

A couple of weeks back I was deeply saddened to read in writer Emma Hanigans blog that after 11 years her cancer treatment options had finally run out. The same day while out for lunch with my mam I bumped into an old friend, a cancer survivor for almost 20 years, she told me, She was in trouble, it was back. Emma’s strength just amazed and inspired me, to repeatedly go through the hell of aggressive treatment and pick yourself back up only to be…Continue Reading “Emma”

A couple of years back I met up with an old college friend. A year earlier he had been diagnosed with cancer and given three months to live. He had heard about my situation and got in touch. Terminal cancer can make you very honest, often refreshingly so. He told me he’d hate to be in my position dealing with it all on my own, and my heart broke just thinking of how he must feel at the thought of leaving his wife and beautiful…Continue Reading “Whats it all about?”

Every minute is precious, but I just want this night to end, you ungrateful, miserable creature allowing this black cloud to descend. So much hype about this day, this night, it must be the most exciting yet, what do you have to look forward to this year, your looming death? 2018 in your face, will it be etched on your headstone, death just might be the easy bit when you face this relentless ride alone. Let it be over, let it end, let there be…Continue Reading “New Years eve”

  Wouldn’t you just eat her she said, and I smiled cos I kinda had to agree. I had come because I knew that full emersion was the only way to break the surface again for me. Nothing for it but the deep end, the only place I could go, nature, music and now poetry. I liked her language, she caught my eye, I wondered could she recognise my pain, read my face and know. . Hers was warm and open her stature small and…Continue Reading “Healing”

Driving to Ballycotton I could feel the sadness surface as I felt your presence near. I hadn’t shed a tear yet, couldn’t accept it was true. Missed calls on Friday night from mutual friends had scared me sick though, thinking of you. Frantic hours later I finally heard the words,’ Not expected to survive the weekend’, what are they talking about? Strange heavy days feeling useless, in limbo, hoping till finally the incredulous words were out. Texts and messages that didn’t make any sense. As…Continue Reading “Rock chic in the sky”

My lovely friend died this weekend. We met 4 years ago at a cancer conference in Dublin. It was new to me I was scared and maybe a bit angry with the lack of information and awareness for people with stage 4. I stood up and said so, as we left two women shoved their phone numbers into my hand. It took me a while to find the courage to ring them but thankfully I did, Enda was one of them. Over the last 3…Continue Reading “Artist”

Do you want to watch the sun come up, anywhere and everywhere we can? Do you want to stay out all night dancing, round the shopping, cos a boogie wasn’t in the plan? Do you want to sit in quirky cafes watching people, wondering what’s their story, what’s she up to, who’s yer man. Do you want to root through flea markets, searching for that elusive treasure that’s worth a fortune, or a teapot for your Nan? Do you want to get lost in a…Continue Reading “If I had an online dating profile”

On the way home now, but everything’s changed, life is curtailed. This summer I’ve missed a planned trip to Norway, a week in Ireland with my visiting friend, a week with visiting family, all the usual outings and spontaneous activities that keep me going through all this cancer bullshit. I’ve never been in an Oncology ward before, they put me in a ward full of newbies and early stagers they were giddy with hope but their fear was palpable. They kept trying to talk to…Continue Reading “Less”