I went to see my Radio Onc consultant this morning, thinking he’d say I didn’t need to be zapped just yet. But unfortunately he didn’t, they want to do a bit of spot welding on my upper and lower spine fairly soon. Side effects from radiotherapy can be substantial. I still don’t know if my lung and heart issues last year were due to the radiotherapy I had on my breast, but nobody is denying it’s possible. Damned if you do and damned if you don’t. If the cancer doesn’t get you the treatment side effects will.We are dying for time, literally, unfortunately it’s not enough time.

I left in a bit of a fog to visit a friend locally, forgetting to tell them I’ve had a sharp pain in my left calf for the last few days, no swelling or redness. While visiting my friend my leg started throbbing and then I got pins and needles in both legs and arms, not a good sign when you have extensive cancer in your spine. I decided I better go back, I was too late for the day ward so I had to go to A+E. I’m having them test my blood for Magnesium and Calcium too. I’ll have an ultrasound in the morning to rule out a clot. I also have a slipped disk. Could it be sciatica?

As an advanced cancer patient you take great pleasure when the medical professionals are surprised by you.The nurse in A+E sat quietly while I rattled off all the possible reasons for the pain in my leg. When I finally shut up she looked at me quizzically and asked if I was a nurse, I said no, to which she replied rhetorically ‘and you have stage IV cancer’. When I said yes, she looked at me shaking her head and said. ‘You’ve some energy don’t you’. The young Doctor who saw me later repeatedly looked from me to my file before he finally said, ‘I’ve never met anyone like you. It’s very bad, yet here you are and your bloods are nearly as good as mine. I don’t understand’. I didn’t know if he meant, new really bad or just the usual.




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