I’m not please jasus on my last legs, these are just musings as I lie here with a nebulizer on my face ( a new and just a tad scary experience). There are many ways cancer can get you, heart failure, renal failure, respiratory failure, infection, sepsis, starvation etc, etc. Maybe mine has been decided, but things can change so fast. Earlier a lovely nurse came in closed the curtain and looked at me in such a way that I knew she had read my file. She asked me if I had any other condition other than this, when I told her I’d never really been sick or in hospital before in my life, she closed her eyes and said , oh my god you were just so unlucky. And thats the truth of it, I didn’t ignore symptoms, or even miss symptoms, I didn’t have any till I had great big, screaming,painfull bastard stage IV symptoms. My cancer grew inward rather than outward and any lump was going to be hard to find in a size D cup. Not everyone with stage IV, were lax or lazy or ignorant or too scared some of us were just really, really f…… unlucky, but none of us regardless deserve to be written off because of it.

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